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The best jokes and joke writers!

Childbirth Papers

Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "The stork brought you to us." "Oh," said Little Johnny. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?" "Well, darling, the stork brought them too," said the mother. The next day Little Johnny handed in his paper to the teacher. It read, "This report is impossible to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

Miracle

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?" The mother says, "It’s my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don’t know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?" Darla says, "No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!" The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?" The doctor replies, "No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!"

Test Tube Baby

Q: Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?

A: Because you get a womb with a view.

Frantic Call

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!".   "Is this her first child?", the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

Beautiful

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is 'beautiful.' Little Sally, would you please come up here and use 'beautiful' in a sentence?"

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."

The teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."

The teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."

Little Johnny walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'"