A Prostitute Goes To The Hospital...

A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She's worried about the friend so she says to the doctor "I'm worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ?" The doctor responds "Well she's 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been in business?" She answers "she's been working since she was 19 years old but what does that have to do with anything?" He tells her "Well she's been working 17 years and hasn't rejected an organ yet!"

DAM Stands For...

Q: What does D.A.M stand for?
A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.

I Kicked Her In The Face

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" (Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face."