Sister Ann

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach. "Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas." A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. "Oh, just a bit of gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit. On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little Fart!"

Men & Public Toilets

Ok guys, own up...which one are you?

• Excitable Type - Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.
• Sociable Type - Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not.
• Timid Type - Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.
• Nosy Type - Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy.
• Indifferent Type - All urinals being occupied, uses sink.
• Clever Type - Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot.
• Vain Type - Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.
• Absent-Minded Type - Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants.
• Worried Type - Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing.
• Disgruntled Type - Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.
• Conceited Type - Holds 2-inch tool like a baseball bat while peeing.
• Sneaky Type - Drops silent farts while peeing and looks at the guy next to him.
• Sloppy Type - Pees on shoe, walks out with flies undone, adjusts himself ten minutes later.
• Learned Type - Reads a book or newspaper while peeing.
• Childish Type - Watches bubbles at bottom of the urinal while peeing.
• Efficient Type - Waits until has to poop and does both at the same time.
• Strong Type - Bangs tool on side of urinal to remove drops.
• Drunken Type - Pulls out tool, sees two, puts one away, and pees in trousers.
• Embarrassed Type - Covers tool with both hands and pees through fingers.
• Cock-Eyed Type - Stands in one cubical and pees in next one.

Name Game

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I really recommend it." The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?" The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration and finally says to his companion, "Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies, "A Carnation?" "No. No. The other one," the man says. His friend offers another suggestion, "The Poppy?"
"No," growls the man, "You know the one that is red and has thorns." His friend says, "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, yes that's it," the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"