I'm Invisible

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible. Psychiatrist: What!...who said that?

Texas Relief

Two Texans were having the Blue Plate Special at their favorite truck stop when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, sitting a few bar stools down from them, turning blue from the Armadillo burger she ate too fast. The first Texan said to the other, "Think we oughta help?" "Yep, reckon so," says the second. The first Texan gets up, walks over to the lady and asks, "Can you breathe?" She shakes her head, "no." "Can you speak?" he then asks. She shakes her head, "no", again. With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt, and starts to lick her on the butt. She is so shocked, she coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe again, with great relief. The first Texan turns back to his friend and says with a smile, "Funny how that Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!"

Mindless

A man took his wife to the doctor. After a short examination the doctor said "Your wife's mind has completely gone!" To which the man replied "I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!"