Leaving the Hospital

Q: How does herpes leave the hospital?
A: On crotches.

Terrible Doctor Check Up

A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The doctor finishes the exam and tells the man, "I have some bad news, you only have about two weeks left to live." The man is shocked. He asks the doctor, "Is there is any thing that you can do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?" The doctor thinks for a moment. "There is one thing that you could do." "Just name it, I'll do whatever it is." He tells the man to take a lot of mud baths, two or three a day. The man looks at his doctor asks, "Will that help my condition?" The doctor says, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

How To Get Out of Prison.

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
Doctor: I am, bit by bit.