Don't Say To Pregnant Wife

Things you don't say to your pregnant wife after her ultrasound;

1. Thirsty?
2. Where did the extra set of arms come from?
3. Why does it look so much like a lizard?
4. So, what are the characteristics of hermaphroditism?
5. Could we do that again? The nurse had me distracted.

The meaning of life

A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?" "No," he replied, "I've never done either." "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor. "No, I've never done any of those things either." "Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"

Neurotic Dolls

Q: What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.