Sex During Pregnancy

Sandra and her husband Jim are expecting a baby in 2 months. One day Jim comes home from work and asks Sandra, ''Why haven't we had sex in so long?'' ''You know I'm worried it will hurt the baby.'' Sandra told him. ''I'll be really gentle. I promise.'' Jim tells her. Sandra protests but Jim manages to finally convince her that he won't hurt the baby so they have sex. Two months later Sandra gives birth to a baby boy. When the baby was born he looked at the doctor and says, ''Are you my father?'' The doctor shakes his head, then to Sandra, ''Are you my father?'' ''No, I'm your mother.'' she tells him. Finally the baby sees Jim and says, ''Are you my father?'' Jim nods, The baby starts hitting him on the head and says ''How does this feel?''

The Doctor: Good News, Bad News

The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. "Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you." The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not Mrs." "Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing expression, "I have some bad news for you."

Ready for Society?

A man who had been in a mental institution for some years finally improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The psychiatrist that ran the institution decided it was better to proceed with caution, and chose to interview him first. "Tell me," said the doctor, "if we release you, as we are considering, what do you plan to do with your life?" The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you see, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to put me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to work in pure theory, where I believe the situation will be less difficult and stressful." "Wonderful," said the psychiatrist. "Or else," continued the patient, "I might teach. There is something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding the knowledge of young people." "Definitely," said the psychiatrist. "Then again, I might write. There is always a need for books on science, or I may even write a novel based on my experiences in the psychiatric institution." "Another interesting possibility," agreed the doctor. "And finally, if none of these things appeals to me... I can always continue to be a teakettle!"