Half-Bird

Getting fed up of my girlfriend's speech impediment. She asked me to thaw the chicken that was in the freezer, then got pissed off when I cut it in half.

Good & Bad News

|An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."
Patient: "OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???"
Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."

Kroger Scam

Don't let the Kroger grocery store take your temperature before shopping.  It is a SCAM! The device actually erases your memory.  Just yesterday I went to the store to pick up bread and eggs and came home with Snickers and Ice Cream!