We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Ponderings Collection

  • Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
  • If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
  • So what's the speed of dark?
  • Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
  • I just got skylights put in my place.  The people who live above me are furious.
  • Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
  • Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
  • Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

News Flash

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary... 

It means 75% are running around untreated.

Roommate Trouble

My roommate claims I'm schizophrenic.

We'll show him.

You Hear It Too?

There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, he too put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"

Nuts

The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a well behaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The General Manager of the club was a little leery of this. When the Recreational Director said: "If I prove to you how well behaved they are, will you let them in?" The General Director agreed. The group of inmates came in and sat down. The Recreational Director shouted: "Stand up, nuts!" Everyone stood up. "Sit down, nuts!" Everyone sat down. "Look behind you, nuts!" Everyone turned around. Pleased with that, the General Manager let them in. About the third inning or so, he heard a tremendous commotion! People were running helter skelter. He asked what happened and was told that someone had called out: "Peanuts!"