The Six-Pack

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off the high rise and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says, "OK, I`m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I`ll do it."
2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack. Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?"
"Steve`s wife gave it to me."
"That`s unbelievable," Charlie says "You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Bill says,"Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, `You must be Steve`s widow.`
She said, `No, I`m not a widow.'
And I said, 'Wanna bet me a six-pack?'"

Predictive Text

The guy who invented predictive text died last night.
His funfair is next monkey.

Triple News

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Crosley, but we have some information about your wife."  "Well, tell me!" the man said. The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"  Fearing the worse, Mr. Crosley said, "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."  "Oh my god!," said Mr. Crosley, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crabs on her."  "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!", Mr. Crosley demanded. The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning!"