Career Day

Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad's do for a living. Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better." All the kids in the class had their turn except  Little Johnny. Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do ?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?" "He turned blue and shit on the carpet."

Exorcist Service

Q: Do you know what happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
A: You get repossessed!

Last Request

Q: What was the murderer's last request to the chaplain as he sat in the electric chair?
A: Will you hold my hand?