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The best jokes and joke writers!

Hurry and Die

Hurry up and die already so that I can piss in your grave.

The Legacy

Three retired friends were talking over drinks about their careers and they got on the subject of leaving a legacy.  One friend asked the others, when people see you in your casket, what would you like them to say?  The first friend hoped they would comment on how great a doctor and family man he was.  The second friend hoped they would comment on him being a great teacher and making a difference.  The third friend paused in reflection then said, I would like to hear them say, "Look, he's moving!"

Blonde's Coffin Shape

Q: Why's the blonde's coffin shaped like a Y?

A: Cuz every time she hits her back, her legs spread!

Rejected Childrens Book Titles

  1. Juggling Knives is Easy
  2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven
  3. Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things
  4. Kick, Scream, and Cry to Get What You Want
  5. "Whatcha' Doin'" the Wonderful Phrase
  6. 101 Games to Play in the Road
  7. The Indoor Pool is a Big Potty and the Diving board is the Flusher
  8. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blow-dryer and a Fork
  9. POP, goes the Hamster and other fun Microwave Games
  10. Arthur Gets Hunted
  11. Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi
  12. Monsters Killed Grandpa
  13. The hit sequel to "Elvis is your real dad" "Mrs. Clause is your real Mom"
  14. Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul
  15. All Guns Squirt Water
  16. When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street
  17. How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite
  18. You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain
  19. How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish
  20. 101 recipies to make with Dog
  21. If its Storming out the Best Place to keep shelter is under a tree
  22. The New Boy is Bad
  23. Your Nightmares are real
  24. The Time When Elmer REALLY got Bugs
  25. Scooby Doo Gets Rabbis
  26. The Lion, the Steak, and the Blender
  27. The Little Kitten that was too Curious.....
  28. The Boy who was so Stupid that his Dad put him up for Adoption
  29. Mickey Mouse and the Mouse Trap
  30. Chuck E. Cheese and Cheddar get a Flamethrower
  31. Grampa Gets A Casket
  32. Dad's New Wife Robert
  33. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator

Rejected Childrens Book Titles

  1. Juggling Knives is Easy
  2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven
  3. Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things
  4. Kick, Scream, and Cry to Get What You Want
  5. "Whatcha' Doin'" the Wonderful Phrase
  6.  101 Games to Play in the Road
  7. The Indoor Pool is a Big Potty and the Diving board is the Flusher
  8. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blow-dryer  and a Fork
  9.  POP, goes the Hamster and other fun Microwave Games
  10.  Arthur Gets Hunted
  11.  Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi
  12. Monsters Killed Grandpa
  13. The hit sequel to "Elvis is your real dad" "Mrs. Clause is your real Mom"
  14. Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul
  15. All Guns Squirt Water
  16.  When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street
  17.  How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite
  18. You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain
  19. How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish
  20. 101 recipies to make with Dog
  21. If its Storming out the Best Place to keep shelter is under a tree
  22. The New Boy is Bad
  23.  Your Nightmares are real
  24.  The Time When Elmer REALLY got Bugs
  25. Scooby Doo Gets Rabbis
  26. The Lion, the Steak, and the Blender
  27. The Little Kitten that was too Curious.....
  28. The Boy who was so Stupid that his Dad put him up for Adoption
  29.  Mickey Mouse and the Mouse Trap
  30.  Chuck E. Cheese and Cheddar get a Flamethrower
  31. Grampa Gets A Casket
  32. Dad's New Wife Robert
  33. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator