Dr. Pepper

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A: His wife died.

Wi-Fi Sickness

New neighbors just moved in next to me. They told me not to use Wi-Fi because their son has Wi-Fi sickness.
Question: What's the most powerful Wi-Fi access point with the longest range under $1000?

The Shortcut

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It's raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and has made it too slippery to climb. He gives up after a while and decides to spend the night there. A while later, another drunk leaves the same bar and decides to take the same shortcut through the graveyard. He also falls into that open grave and tries to climb out but the mud is too slippery. The first drunk is still sitting there and watches as the other drunk tries, but fails to get out. The first drunk stands up, taps the second drunk on the shoulder and tells him, "You'll never get out!" He did.