Bill and Jesse

Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are taking a post-workout shower. Bill looks down and says, ''Jesse, how'd you get that huge pecker?!'' Jesse replies, ''All I do is whack it four times on the bedpost everynight.'' So, Bill sneaks upstairs and whacks his four time in the bedpost, whereupon Hillary wakes up and says, ''Is that you, Jesse?'''

Area 51

After thousands of people threatened to march into Area 51 the U.S. Air Force made a public statement.
They said, "There is bad news and good news."
First the bad news. The aliens have landed on earth and are being held by the government.
Now the good news. They eat Terrorists and piss gasoline.

Oprah Arrested

Did you hear that Oprah Winfrey was arrested at the airport for drug smuggling? It seems she bent over and someone saw fifty pounds of crack.