Neutron Walks into a Bar

A neutron walks into a bar, and asks for a drink. The bartender serves it up, and the neutron asks, "Hey - how much?" Bartender replies, "For you - no charge!"

Wife and Best Friend

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop. "Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you?" says the bartender. "Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!" "That's terrible pal, the next drink is on the house." So the bartender gives him another tripple scotch and again he gulps it down. "If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?" "I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!" "Good for you! You said the right thing.  So what did you say to your best friend?" "Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said ... BAD DOG!"

Bad Legs

A man walks into a bar and sees an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks, “May I buy you a cocktail?”
"No thank you," she replies, "Alcohol is bad for my legs."
"Sorry to hear that.  Do they swell?"
"No, they spread."