Bar Jokes

The Local District Judge

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drinking. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?", asked the Judge, surprised by the man's responsed.  "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"

Categories: Profession Jokes (Judge Jokes) , Bar Jokes
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

15 Signs You Drank Too Much

15. You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping... with your Oldsmobile.
14. Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
13. Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.
12. Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.
11. For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.
10. Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes.
9. For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the automobile.
8. You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
7. Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.
6. Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
5. Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's Vomit Man!"
4. The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.
3. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.
2. Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat. 
1. You're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

Categories: Alcohol Jokes (Shots Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Vodka Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Whiskey Jokes) , Funny Thoughts , Bar Jokes (Drunk Jokes) , Bar Jokes
Anonymous

Still Want to Tell It?

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?" The big woman replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm blonde, six feet tall, 210 lb., and I'm a professional tri-athlete and a bodybuilder. The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 lb., and she's an ex-professional wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who's 6'5", weighs 230 lb., and she's a professional kick boxer. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?" The guy thinks about it a second and says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."

Categories: Blonde Jokes (Dumb Blonde Jokes) , Bar Jokes
Anonymous