A Mexican, a Black, and a White Guy
A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a good-looking girl comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me". So the white guy says"I love liver and cheese." she says "that's not good enough." The black says "I hate liver and cheese", and she says "that's not creative", and then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine."
An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.
They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”
After a short pause, she replies, “No.”
Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first. Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, “So… you finish?”
And again, after a short pause, she just says “No.”
Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette and entertains his companion du jour. This time, with all the strength he can muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after expending quite a lot of time and energy.
Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette, lights it again, and then asks tiredly, “So… you finish?”
“No. I’m Swedish.”
A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling, "TGIF!" The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, "SPIT!" The cowboy looks over at him and notices the Mexican guy is still staring at him. The cowboy once again orders a shot, slams it down, and yells again "TGIF!" Once again, the Mexican orders a shot, slams it down after consuming it, and yells out, "SPIT!" This goes on for a while, and the bartender stands puzzled and annoyed. Finally, the bartender asks the cowboy, "Just checking, but do you know what TGIF means?" and the cowboy replies, "Hell ya I know what it means, 'Thank God It's Friday!'" The bartender asks the Mexican guy, "Okay, so what does 'SPIT' mean?" and the Mexican replies, "Stupid Pendejo It's Thursday!"
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' ...and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"
Free Drink Price
Two homeless men are devising a plan to get free drinks at a bar. The first one has an idea: "We'll buy a hot dog and stick it down your pants, walk into the bar, get our drinks, drink, and when the bartender asks for his money, you pull down your pants and I suck on the hot dog that you put down there. He'll kick us out, and we wont have to pay. It's brilliant!" The second man agrees and they do this in the first bar where it works just as planned. Then they hit up 4 more bars and the first man says, "This is great, getting all these free drinks!" The other man replies, "Yeah, especially because the hot dog fell out at the first bar."