Bar Jokes

We Have Plenty of Those

A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all drinking in a bar.
After a while, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, threw it in the air and shot it into a thousand pieces. "Don't you boys worry about it," said the Texan, "we have plenty of tequila deep in the heart of Texas." The Californian, not wanting to be outdone, selected a bottle of fine wine, tossed it up, and shot it into smitherines. "Hey, don't sweat it dudes," chirped the Californian, "There's zillions of bottles of wine in Cali." The Seattlite, following suit, guzzled down a bottle of micro-brewed beer, chucked it towards the rafters, shot the Californian, and (without missing a beat) pulled out his hand and caught the beer bottle. Everyone in the bar stood frozen in shock. "Relax, kids," said the Seattlite cooly, "Up in Seattle, there's a freakin' shitload of Californians. No big deal."

Categories: U.S. State Jokes (California Jokes) , U.S. State Jokes (Washington State Jokes) , U.S. State Jokes (Texas Jokes) , Word Play Jokes , Bar Jokes (Bar Trick Jokes)
Anonymous

Budweiser Or Else

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!" Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns. "Give me a Budweiser, or...!" "O-o-o-o-r-r-r... w-w-what?" stammers the bartender. "A small Coke."

Categories: Alcohol Jokes (Beer Jokes) , Bar Jokes (Walks Into a Bar)
Anonymous

Give the Dog Some Money

A guy and a dog walk into a bar. The guy is bragging to everyone that his dog can talk . The bartender calls him over and says, "So your dog can talk, huh?" The guy says yes. Then the bartender says, "So, if I gave your dog a dollar he would go out and buy me a newspaper?" The guy says yes, gives the dog a dollar and sends him out. Three hours later the dog hasn't come back yet, so the owner and the bartender go looking for him. A block from the bar, they look down an alley and see the dog humping a female dog. The guy yells, "Wow, I've never seen you do that before!"
The dog says, "Well I've never had money before."

Categories: Bar Jokes (Animal in Bar Jokes) , Sex Jokes
Anonymous