Circus Horse

A horse walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, scotch on the rocks please!" The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says, "Did.. did you just talk?" "Yes I did, why?" "It's just incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "Why? Are they short on electricians?"

Hippie in a Bar

This hippie walks into a bar, and thinks it's a restaurant. He walks up to the counter, and says to the barkeep, "I want a hot dog, not too hot, not too cold, but in the groove."
So the barkeep walks into the back room, and tells this to the manager, who is in a bad mood. The manager says, "Well, give him whatever he wants, then get him out of here."
The barkeep heads back into the main room, posing as a waiter. "Anything else," he questions. The hippie replies, "Yeah, I want a milkshake, not too thick, not too thin, but in the groove."
Again, the barkeep relays this to his manager, who is getting more frustrated as the night goes on. He yells, "Fine, I already told you, give him what he wants and get him out of here!"
So the barkeep returns to the hippie. "That was a hot dog and a milkshake, right?" "Yeah," the hippie says, "but scratch the hot dog. I want a hamburger, not too rare, not too well-done, but in the groove."
The barkeep relays this to the manager, who has finally had enough. He storms out of the back room, and bellows at the hippie.  "You can kiss my ass! Not on the left cheek, and not on the right cheek, but in the groove!!!"

Bar Clothes Cleaning Funds

A guy in a bar pukes on his shirt. His friend says, “No worries, just stick a $10 bill in your pocket, and tell your wife some guy puked on you and gave you the money for the cleaning bill!”  So he goes home and explains this to his wife who then asks, “So why are there two $10 bills in your pocket?” He replies, “Oh, because the guy pissed in my pants as well!”