Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?
A: You can almost hear them.
Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.
Good Horn Player
Q: What's the name of a good English horn player?
A: I'll tell you when I meet one.
What's that sound?
A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commemorative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."
They Play A Viola
Q: What do you call a person who plays the viola?
A: A violator.