Lawyer Statue

One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing. He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it. The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him. He shrugged it off, and continued on his way. As he walked along, more and more rats started following him, until all the rats in the city were behind him. He suddenly realized that it was the statue that was doing this. He headed towards the bay that resided next to the city, and threw the statue in. The rats followed, not caring about their immediate deaths. The guy ran back to the store, and when he reached it, the store owner said, "No refunds". The guy shook his head, and said, "No, no, I was wondering if you had any statues like the one I bought, only, shaped like a lawyer."

How Army Policy Began

This is how Army policy all began...
Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape. After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? "Because that's the way it's always been around here." That's how Army policy begins... 

The Bear and The Rabbit

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes." The bear says "I wish that all of the bears in the forest were females." **POOF** It is done.The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." **POOF** It is done. The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females." **POOF** It is done.The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house." **POOF** It is done. The bear thought to himself "Why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things?" Finally, the bear says "For my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female." **POOF** It is done. The rabbit says "For MY last wish, I wish for the bear to be gay" and he rode off on his motorcycle.