Boasting about Race Records
Some race horses were staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
Q: Why was the mommy horse upset with her son the mule?
A: Because he came out half-assed.
Q: Why do women have one more brain cell than a horse?
A: For managing not to drink the water from the bucket while she sweeps the floor.
Blonde Confessing Sins
A blonde girl went to confess her sins. "Father, please pray for me for I've sinned," she said. The priest asked, "What did you do my child?" "I was driving and it was dark and I ran over a horse." "Oh," said the priest and he continued to ask, "did you tell the owner?" "I'm afraid that's impossible," said the girl. "Why is it?" the priest asked. "'Because I think the owner was riding the horse when I hit the horse." "Oh Lord, have mercy," said the priest gasping.
In my past life I was a horse; now I'm just hung like one.