Chapped Lips

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?" "Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips." "And that cures them?"  the Sheriff asked. "Nope, but it keeps me from lick'en 'em."

A Nun's Ass

A nun wanted to enter a racehorse into a race. But then she realized that they cost way too much, so instead, she bought a donkey. The next day, she enters it into a contest and it comes in third. The headlines read, ''Nun's Ass Chokes.'' The next day, she entered it in another competition and this time it came in first. The headlines were, ''Nun's Ass Wins Grand Prize.'' The following day, the owner scratched the donkey from the race. The headlines read, ''Booker Scratches Nun's Ass.''
And on the next day, the nun sold the donkey for a really cheap price. The headlines were ''Nun Sells Her Ass for $5.''