Animal Jokes - Dog Jokes

I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone.

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!" To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?

A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them!

Q: What is a dogs favorite flower?

A: Anything in your garden!

Q: Why don’t dogs chase people on bicycles?

A: Dogs can’t ride bicycles.