Boasting about Race Records

Some race horses were staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

Wagging His Head

Your dog is so dumb that if you were to cut off his tail and make him walk backwards he'd start wagging his head!

An Irresolvable Problem

A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt. He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged. "Have you always been that way?" asked the podiatrist. "No," she said, not until recently. "I've been fucking a lot doggie style." "Well," said the podiatrist, "you are going to have to stop." "I can't," she replied, "that's the only way my German Shepherd fucks."