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The best jokes and joke writers!

Like Jesus

On Easter, Jesus rose from the dead. He'd been whipped, spat on, flogged, humiliated, and crucified.

In fact, he was beaten so badly you'd think he flew United.

McNally

McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It's to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I'm meeting me wife in the airport. How do I get the gum out of me ears?"

Peter and Jack on Holiday

Two friends Peter and Jack are leaving for the holiday on the same airplane. Peter was sad when he couldn't meet Jack before they get in to the plane. After some time he sees Jack coming up down the aisle and Peter shouted, "HI-JACK!"

Stress Flight

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.  A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees. The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled; "Mayday, mayday!!  The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack.  I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory.  I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. The employee in the tower put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions.  The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!"  He began his series of questions:

Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in front of me."

Tower: "Okay, that's good,remain calm. How do you know you're traveling at 180 mph?"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me."

Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it's heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?"

Aircraft: "The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar."

Window Seat

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just come from the hair salon and didn't want it blown around too much.