Border Crash

Q: A plane crashes on the US and Canada border. Where do they bury the survivors ?
A: They don't bury the SURVIVORS !!

Irish Compassion

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish accent:
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake. When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our five hour flight.
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."

The Traveling Exhibitionist

There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane. At the check-in counter there was a ticket agent collecting tickets. When the man got to the counter, he opened his coat and exposed himself. The ticket agent said,  "I'm sorry sir. You have to show your ticket here, not your stub."