Blonde Refuses to Leave First Class

A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class. A few minutes later, a flight attendant came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat. She refused. The flight attendant was persistent, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class." The flight attendant was getting frustrated. Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move. Another passenger who overheard the conversation asked the attendant, "How did you get her to move?" The flight attendant replied, "I told her that first class doesn't stop in Detroit."

Air Force One Crashes

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor. "Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly. "Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped. "Nope. They's all kilt straight out." The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning." "The President of the United States is dead?" The agent gulped in disbelief. "Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."

Drone School

Q: What's the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al Qaeda outpost?
A: I don't know, I just fly the drones.