Deodorant

A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes the man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks the man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product. The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety. The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, "Push up bottom to use."

Shephard Talk

Q: What did the one shepherd say to the other shepherd?
A: Let's get the flock out of here!

Estate Sale

Joe Smith is on his death bed, knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. So, he says to them: 
"Bernie, I want you to take the Avenue Road houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Rosedale."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center Mall."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Don Valley Ravine." 
The nurse is just blown away by all this , and as Joe slips away, she says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property." 
Sarah replies, "Property? .... the asshole had a paper route!"