Fisherman Pay

Q: What kind of money do fishermen make?
A: Net profits!

Santa's Pet Peeves

•  Kids who refuse to believe that it's fruitcake on your breath and not gin.
• When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it.
• Even with the costume, people recognizing you from "Crime Watch".
• Parents who get all uptight when you offer their kids a swig from your hip flask.
• Enduring the taunts of your old buddies from Drama School.
• Those dorks in the Power Rangers costumes get all the babes.
• Kids who don't understand that Santa's been a little jittery since he got back from 'Nam.
• Two words: lap rash

20,000 Cockroaches

Customer: Do you have and cockroaches?
Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman.
Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.
Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?
Customer: I’m moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.