Screwing the Same Chick
Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard. Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick, so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy. The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. "I've got some good news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone. "Well, give me the good news first," replied the other. "The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply. "And the bad news?" "Mine died."
A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another razor. "Why?" asked the barber, "Is there something wrong with this one?"
"I don't know." replied the customer. "But I would appreciate a chance to defend myself."
Dead Baby Cross the Road
Q: Why did the dead baby cross the street?
A: To get away from the abortion clinic.
Baby Feet First
Q: Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!
A young mother had just given birth to a newborn baby and the nurse was congratulating her when the doctor came in bouncing the baby from hand to hand like a basketball.
"Here's your baby, maam," says the doctor.
The doctor then throws the baby on the floor, hurls it up against the wall, picks it up and twirls it around several times, and then drop kicks it straight out of the 10th floor window.
Totally bewildered, the woman gives out a loud shriek and hollers, "My God!!! What have you done to my baby?!?!!!"
The doctor chuckles a little to himself and says, "April Fools!!! He was already dead!"