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The best jokes and joke writers!

Breaking the Pregnancy News

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital, pacing the floor. His wife was inside having their first child. After a while the doctor came out to talk to the nervous father. "Well, your baby is here. It's a boy. And guess what? He can fly!" The doctor let go of the baby and it hit the floor with a SMACK. The father was irritated. The doctor calmed him down, "Don't worry, I'm a doctor. I know what I'm doing. Your baby really can fly. Watch." Again, the doctor picked up the baby, and this time tossed it across the room. Again, the baby hit the floor with a hard SMACK. The father was just about ready to kill the doctor.
"You idiot! You're going to kill my baby!" "Don't worry. He just needs to be scared a little." So the doctor took the baby and held it out the third story window. The doctor let go of the baby and it hit the sidewalk below with a sickening SPLAT. The father was beside himself with anger. "You son-of-a-bitch! I'm gonna kill you!" "Hey, don't worry! I'm just joking with you. Your baby was stillborn."

Baby Feet First

Q: Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!

Bouncing Baby

A young mother had just given birth to a newborn baby and the nurse was congratulating her when the doctor came in bouncing the baby from hand to hand like a basketball.

"Here's your baby, maam," says the doctor.

The doctor then throws the baby on the floor, hurls it up against the wall, picks it up and twirls it around several times, and then drop kicks it straight out of the 10th floor window.

Totally bewildered, the woman gives out a loud shriek and hollers, "My God!!! What have you done to my baby?!?!!!"

The doctor chuckles a little to himself and says, "April Fools!!! He was already dead!"

Dead Baby Cross the Road

Q: Why did the dead baby cross the street?
A: To get away from the abortion clinic.

Red and Green in the Corner

Q: What's red and sits in a corner?

A: A baby playing with a razor blade.

 

Q   What's green and sits in the corner? 

A: That same baby three weeks later.