Baby Feet First
Q: Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!
Dead Baby Cross the Road
Q: Why did the dead baby cross the street?
A: To get away from the abortion clinic.
Finding Zombie Babies
Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can?
A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
Breaking the Pregnancy News
A man was in the waiting room at the hospital, pacing the floor. His wife was inside having their first child. After a while the doctor came out to talk to the nervous father. "Well, your baby is here. It's a boy. And guess what? He can fly!" The doctor let go of the baby and it hit the floor with a SMACK. The father was irritated. The doctor calmed him down, "Don't worry, I'm a doctor. I know what I'm doing. Your baby really can fly. Watch." Again, the doctor picked up the baby, and this time tossed it across the room. Again, the baby hit the floor with a hard SMACK. The father was just about ready to kill the doctor.
"You idiot! You're going to kill my baby!" "Don't worry. He just needs to be scared a little." So the doctor took the baby and held it out the third story window. The doctor let go of the baby and it hit the sidewalk below with a sickening SPLAT. The father was beside himself with anger. "You son-of-a-bitch! I'm gonna kill you!" "Hey, don't worry! I'm just joking with you. Your baby was stillborn."
Red and Green in the Corner
Q: What's red and sits in a corner?
A: A baby playing with a razor blade.
Q   What's green and sits in the corner?
A: That same baby three weeks later.