Good And Bad News

An old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination the doctor tells him; "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" To which the patient replied "Well, give me the bad news first."
"You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."
The patient was shocked; "Oh no! That's awful! In two years my life will be over?! What kind of good news could you possibly tell me, after this?"
The doctor broke the news, "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."

Ignored

A patient walks into a doctor's office. Patient: Doctor, people ignore me. Doctor: Next!

Shaky Hand

Patient: Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me! I just can't stop my hands shaking!
Doc: Do you drink a lot?
Patient: Not really - I spill most of it!