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The best jokes and joke writers!

Not the Intended Profession

A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!" The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!" The bartender hooks a thumb over at a piano in the corner, "If that dog can play that piano, you both get a drink on the house!" The guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing.  Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are loving it. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.  The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?" The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother.  She wanted him to be a dentist."

At the Dentist

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs.

The dentist said, “Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.”

“I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”

Dentist Rx

A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulls out a large syringe to give him an anesthesia shot. "No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaims. So she starts to hook up the nitrous oxide tank and the man says, "I can't do the gas thing either. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me." The dentist then asks the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill. "No," he says, "I'm fine with pills." So the lady dentist gives him two little blue pills and he swallows them. "What did I just take," he asked. "Viagra," replied the dentist. "I'll be damed," said the man. "I didn't know Viagra works as a pain killer." "It doesn't, said the wise lady, "But it'll give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."

Guru And Novocaine

Q: Why did the guru refuse Novocaine when he went to his dentist?

A: He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Solution

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie!