We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Undertaker

Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?

A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Paddy the Accountant

Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test.  The tester asked, " If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?"  Paddy replied, "Seven!"

The Tester said, "No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?"  Paddy paused and replied, "Seven!"  Frustrated, the Tester responded, "Let's try this another way.  If I give you two bottles of beer, two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?" Paddy quickly replied,  "Six!"

The Tester was relieved!  "Good!  Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?" Again, Paddy replied, "Seven!" At his whits end the Tester shook his head and grumbled, "How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?"  Paddy shrugged with a grin, " I've already got one rabbit at home!"

A Suitable Transplant

A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, "Can I help? Have you lost something?" "No," says one of the doctors. "We're about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."

Counting Some Sheep

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," complains the man. "Have you tried counting sheep?" inquired the doctor. The accountant replied, "That's the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!"

54 Year Old Accountant

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's:

Dear Wife, (that's what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:

Dear Husband, (that's what she called him) I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!!!!