Helping Cure Depression

Patient:  Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.
Doctor:  You should cut down on drinks.
Patient:  I don't touch a drop.
Doctor:  You should cut down on smoking.
Patient:  I don't smoke.
Doctor:  You should stop taking drugs.
Patient:  I don't do drugs, either.
Doctor:  You should cut down on womanizing.
Patient:  But, I haven't touched a woman in my life!
Doctor:  In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends!

Counting Some Sheep

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," complains the man. "Have you tried counting sheep?" inquired the doctor. The accountant replied, "That's the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!"

Viewer's Eye

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.