Part of the Service

Polceman: "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night."
Man: "What's the charge?"
Polceman: "Oh, there's no charge. It's all part of the service."

Shaky Hand

Patient: Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me! I just can't stop my hands shaking!
Doc: Do you drink a lot?
Patient: Not really - I spill most of it!

What a Woman Really Needs

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand,and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"