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Profession Jokes
Good And Bad News
An old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination the doctor tells him; "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" To which the patient replied "Well, give me the bad news first."
"You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."
The patient was shocked; "Oh no! That's awful! In two years my life will be over?! What kind of good news could you possibly tell me, after this?"
The doctor broke the news, "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."
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Ignored
A patient walks into a doctor's office. Patient: Doctor, people ignore me. Doctor: Next!
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You're in Big Trouble
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."
Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
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