What's Up Doc?

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close,"  the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!" The doctor hands him the thread and says, "Go ahead... Suture self"!

Sings Alone

Q: What's blue and sings alone?
A: Dan Ackroyd.

Elderly Couple

An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said, "I should tell you I have acute angina."
The old man says, "I hope so, you sure don't have cute tits."