Paranoid Idiot

Q: What happens when a paranoid has low self-esteem?
A: He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.

Ate Her First

Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm." "No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"

Calci-yum

Q: How much calcium is in a woman's breast?
A: Enough to make a bone eight inches long.