Minnesota Women

Q: What do you call a 300 pound woman in Minnesota?
A: Anorexic

Just In Time

A long time resident of San Francisco is packing all his stuff into boxes. His roommate comes in & asks what he's doing. "I'm leaving !" he replies. "Governor Newsom just signed a new LGBT rights bill." "So why leave now ?" queries his roomie. "Gays have been part of the scene here for years and years." "Yeah, I know." he replied. "I'm getting the hell out of here before the damn fools make it compulsory."

Taking Care of Business

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"