Top Ten Ways to Kill Wesley Crusher

10. After slugging down six Shirley Temple's in 10 Forward, Wes stumbles to the holodeck, which he commands to "take me to hell."  His broken body is later found on the empty holodeck in a pool of vomit.
9. Wesley gets gang-raped by a group of female Klingons.
8. Riker gets carried away executing an order from Picard to "knock the little snot around a bit."
7. Data catches him tossing off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed explanation from Wesley, who dies of embarrassment.
6. Extensive lab analysis of a green slime found on one of the control panels uncovers the fact that our favorite ensign has, once again, been picking his nose. He is summarily fired and commits suicide.
5. Wes gets gang-raped by a group of male Klingons.
4. On an earlier episode, Wes got to kiss a girl who turned into a Chewbacca-like creature. Here, she returns, and they once again get involved. (Un)fortunately, once she gets really heated, she mutates back into a wookie and forces Wesley to be her cringing sex slave. She then tears him limb from limb and eats him.
3. In a rare episode involving characters from both ST and ST:TNG, Spock attempts a Vulcan mind-meld with Wesley. Wesley's head explodes. Spock barely survives, spending the next several days scratching himself and whining.
2. Worf notices a Romulan ship on the scanners, and sends Wesley down to clean out the photon tubes. Later, someone makes a comment about the needs of the many having outweighed the needs of the few.
1. Wes gets involved in a deviant sexual practice known as "tribble stuffing," not realizing that tribbles multiply any where. Even an emergency laser enema by Dr. Crusher fails to save him.

Trekker vs. Trekkie

• A Trekker wears a starfleet uniform to a convention because it's fun. A Trekkie wears a starfleet uniform to a convention because s/he has heard that it is in style at the academy.
• A Trekker has a Starfleet Academy window sticker on his car.  A Trekkie is cramming for the entrance exams.
• A Trekker meets Marina Sirtis/Gates McFadden at a convention, tells her how pretty he thinks she is, that it is too bad she is married or he would ask her out.  A Trekkie meets Deanna Troi/Dr. Crusher at a convention, tells her how pretty he thinks she is, and asks her if she is still seeing Riker (Picard, some alien patient, et al).
• A Trekker loves watching the show, nitpicking and discussing it with friends. A Trekkie loves watching those documentaries filmed aboard the Enterprise.
• A Trekker thinks Wil Wheaton was a lucky kid who got to play a kid on Star Trek. A Trekkie thinks that Wesley Crusher was a lucky kid who got to sit on the bridge.
• A Trekker thinks that it is a shame that the show is coming to an end. A Trekkie thinks that it is a shame that the crew is being reassigned and the Enterprise is being decomissioned.
• A Trekker knows that there are gaping holes in the technology, but ignores them and enjoys the show. A Trekkie can't wait for the price to come down on those home food replicator units.
• A Trekker buys pips for the rank s/he wants to be. A Trekkie wonders why he is constantly passed over for promotion.
• A Trekker tells his/her new girl/boyfriend that s/he really likes Star Trek.  A Trekkie's new girl/boyfriend is an underclassman at the academy.

Holodeck Characters Change Lightbulb

Q: How many Holodeck characters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Holodeck characters are light bulbs.