One More Beer
Text Msg to Wife: "I'm having just one more beer with guys after golf. If I'm not home in an hour, read this message again.”
G-Spot And Golf Ball
Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
A Double Bogey
A man and his wife were playing golf with another couple. On the first tee, the man hits his drive pretty deeply into the rough and after finding his ball, realizes that a maintenance shed is immediately in his line of sight for his next shot. He's about ready to chip back into the fairway when the other guy playing with him says, "Wait a minute. If we open the front and back doors of the shed, you can hit your 2 iron low and go right through the shed."
After eyeing this for a moment, the first guy takes his 2, lines up, hits a nice low shot which caroms off the side of the shed, hits his wife in the head and kills her!
Needless to say, the guy was devastated -- so much so that he gave up golf. After several years one of his old golfing friends talked him into playing again, telling him he had grieved enough and should really consider playing golf again -- he loved the game and his wife would have wanted it that way.
So he did go out to play, and as luck would have it, on the first tee he hit into the rough right in front of the same maintenance shed. Again he was about to chip into the fairway when his playing partner, not the same guy as before, said, "Hold on. We can open the doors of the shed and you can hit a low ball right through it."
The guy looked a bit wistful for a moment and then said, "No, I really don't want to do that. I tried that shot several years ago and took a double bogey on this hole!"
Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about half of the way there, stops and jogs back. His boss asks what the problem is. "Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress," complained Joe. Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stopped short and turned around. Joe asked "what's wrong?" It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired"
A man walks into a church and sits in the confession booth. He says to the priest, “Father, I have sinned; I was golfing yesterday and I cursed.” The priest replies, “Would you like to tell me about it?” “Well,” the guy says. “I was on the seventh hole, and I’d just hit my best drive of the day. It was straight ahead, middle of the fairway, and a long way out there. Feeling pretty good about myself, I walked toward my ball, but as I got within thirty feet of it, a squirrel ran out of the forest and grabbed my ball.” The priest interrupts, “Oh, I see, that’s when you cursed.” The man replies, “No, Father, I didn’t curse then. But as the squirrel was running away, it reached the edge of the fairway and was quickly caught by a hawk, which flew up high into the air.” Once again the priest interrupts, “So that’s when you cursed?” The man continues, “No, Father, the hawk started flying away, and I followed it, because it flew in the direction of the green. As it passed over the green, it dropped the squirrel out of its talons, causing the squirrel to drop my ball about three feet from the pin.” The priest says: "Don't tell me you missed the fucking putt."