Shopping Jokes

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line... "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!" 

My wife was trying to describe what it's like shopping for a bra. She said, "It'd be like trying to find something to hold your dick that looks nice and feels good."

I looked her in the eye and said, "I did."

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo. She sees one behind the counter and tells the salesman, "I want that one!" He replies, "It's not for sale." The woman says, "Please I want that one," again he says it's not for sale. The woman says, "I'll give you a hundred dollars for it." and the salesman says, "Well, okay. Five minutes later, his boss walks in and asks, "How's business today?" The salesman replied, "It's pretty slow but I just made a hundred dollars off of my thermos."

Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say:

• Here honey, you use the remote.
• You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
• Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
• While I'm up, can I get you anything?
• Honey since we don't have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me?
• Why don't you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes?
• Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.
• Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on.
• We never talk anymore.

If Radio Shack made toasters, the staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. You would be able to buy all the parts to build your own toaster.