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The best jokes and joke writers!

A Husband

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

God being Man

Q: How do we know that God is a man?

A: Because if God was a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.

Friendly Driver

A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, "Pig!" The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, "Bitch!" They continue on their way, and as the man rounded the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Guy Has 3 Questions in Heaven

This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. Guy: "Why are girls so pretty?" God: "So you'll like them." Guy: "Why are girls soft?" God: "So you'll like them." Guy: "Why are girls so dumb?" God: "So they'll like you."

Comparing Guys and Gals at the ATM

Instructions for the Guys:

  1. Pull up to ATM.
  2. Insert Card.
  3. Enter PIN.
  4. Take cash, card and receipt.
  5. Drive away.

Instructions for the Gals:

  1. Pull up to ATM
  2. Back up and pull forward to get closer.
  3. Shut off engine.
  4. Put keys in purse.
  5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine.
  6. Hunt for card in purse.
  7. Insert card.
  8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.
  9. Enter PIN.
  10. Study instructions.
  11. Hit "CANCEL."
  12. Re-enter correct PIN.
  13. Check balance.
  14. Look for envelope.
  15. Look in purse for pen.
  16. Make out deposit slip.
  17. Endorse checks.
  18. Make deposit.
  19. Study instructions.
  20. Make cash withdrawal.
  21. Get in car.
  22. Check makeup.
  23. Look for keys.
  24. Start car.
  25. Check makeup.
  26. Start pulling away.
  27. Stop.
  28. Back up to machine.
  29. Get out of car.
  30. Take card and receipt.
  31. Get back in car.
  32. Put card in wallet.
  33. Put receipt in checkbook.
  34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook.
  35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook.
  36. Check makeup.
  37. Put car in reverse.
  38. Put car in drive.
  39. Drive away from machine.
  40. Drive 3 miles.
  41. Release parking brake.