God Makes a Woman

And God Created The Woman. He was so pleased with his creation that he calls in three of his top advisors: His chief Carpenter, His Chief Tailor, and His Chief Architect. He presents his creation to his Chiefs and asks them for suggestions and comments. The Carpenter says, "Too many forms, you need to straighten things out, flatten it out." God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks." Then the Tailor says, "Too many strings (hair) sticking out, you need to trim them." God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks." Then the Architect says: "Wonderful creation, absolutely superb, but next time, please do not place the toilets next to the reception room."

Creation of Woman Problem

One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself. "Where's Eve?" He asked. "Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so." "So where is she?" asked God. "Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam. "Darn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!"

Female Translator

• Yes = No
• No = Yes
• Maybe = No
• I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
• We need = I want...
• It's your decision = correct decision should be obvious by now.
• Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
• We need to talk = I need to complain
• Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
• You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
• You're certainly attentive = is sex all you ever think about?
• Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
• This kitchen is so = want a new house.
• I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.
• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
• Am I fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
• Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.
• Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
• I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
• (In response to "What's wrong?")The same old thing = Nothing
• Nothing = Everything
• Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an idiot!