How Dogs and Women are Alike

• Both look stupid in hats.
• Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
• Both tend to have "hip" problems.
• Neither understand football.
• Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
• Neither believe that silence is golden.
• Both constantly want back rubs.
• Neither can balance a checkbook.
• You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
• Both put too much value on kissing.
  
  How women are better than dogs:
  
• It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
• Women look good in sweaters.

No Balls.

Q: How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
A: Even the pool table doesn't have balls.

Maid to Order!

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question: "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure." The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says... "Son, all household appliances come in white!"