It Takes Money

A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. "Out drinking again!?" she says. "How much money did you spend this time?"  "$100,"  answers the man. "$100!" she shouts. "That's ridiculous, spending that much in one night!"  "Easy for you to say," he replies. "You don't smoke, you don't drink, and you have your own pussy."

Pros And Cons of A Threesome

Pros and cons of a threesome
Advantages

• It can get really weird
• Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
• There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
• Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13
• You get to watch your best friends making love
•  You get to get watched making love
• Simultaneously enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be experienced to be believed
• You get strange looks when you all go out dancing
• You get really strange looks when you all go out comparison shopping for condoms
• Enough people to play gin rummy if things don't work out
• You can safely check yourself for any homosexual tendencies without actually doing anything about it
• Calling out the wrong name during climax isn't as much of a problem, the "wrong name" is probably the one on your left
• Three-person showers are fantastic
• Three-person naked belly laughs are even better
• Three-person kisses are best

Disadvantages 

• It can get really weird
• Tougher for three people to decide on pizza toppings
• Simultaneous orgasms are even trickier to pull off
• You may harbor paranoid thoughts that while you're in the bathroom; the other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt
• Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
• You get to find out what kind of really sick things your friends like
• Queen-sized beds are suddenly smaller than you remember them
• Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart when drawing on your notebooks
• Morning breath multiplied by 3
• You might discover homosexual tendencies you didn't suspect or want
• You might discover homosexual tendencies in one of your friends you didn't suspect or want
• You have the option of wrecking twice the normal number of relationships
• The odds of boyfriends/spouses walking in on you triple
• Sorting clothes quickly when the significant other walks in assumes comical proportions
• Now there are two wet spots to avoid.

Eight Times A Virgin

A marketing manager married a woman who had previously been married eight times. On his wedding night, his wife informed him that she was still a virgin.
This puzzled the marketing manager since, after eight marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomena. Her comments were as follows:

"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great!'
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Service who constantly said that everything was diagnostically 'okay', but he just couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, 'Those who can...do; Those who can't...teach.'
My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department who said that he had the orders, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether or not it was his job.
My eighth husband was from Standards And Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it."

The wife said sweetly to her new husband, "Now I am married to you, a man of Marketing." The husband looked at his wife and simply said, "I know I have the product, I'm just not sure how to position it!"