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The best jokes and joke writers!

Laying Carpet

Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her,  then walk all over her.

Elephant With Thorn

An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in her foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by. So the elephant says, "Help me, help me." But the ant refuses unless the elephants agrees to let the ant have his wicked way with her. Replies the elephant, "Anything! Anything!" So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoy himself. Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, who witnessed the whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequently he fell out of the tree on top of the elephant. Says the elephant: "Ouch!" Says the ant, in his own little frenzy: "Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!!"

Fooling Around

If women don't fool around, and men do fool around, who are the men fooling around with?

Want a Scewdriver?

The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?" The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?" He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."

Tyra on Deserted Island

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors of a shipwreck. They somehow find themselves on a deserted island. At first, Tyra wants nothing to do with the very average guy, but after a while they become friends, then lovers.
One day the guy asks Tyra to dress in his clothes and meet him on the other side of the island. Tyra is taken aback by the request, but eventually decides there is no harm in it and agrees. She waits for him on the beach, and he soon arrives. He runs up to her, breathless and excited.
"You'll never believe who I have been screwing!"