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Bath Time.
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and a young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness. If she could, do only whatever he told her to do and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved.". "Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?", asked the old nun. "Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven." "Did he now?", said the old nun evenly. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."
"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly. "At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved." "That wicked old Devil!" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!"
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Elephant Vibrators
Q: What do elephants use for vibrators?
A: Epileptic pigmies.
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Saving the Possum!
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an possum. Knowing that mother possums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little possum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, "Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, "I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies, "Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
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