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Sex Jokes
The Perfect Diagnosis
The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous redhead. "I would suggest to you, young lady, began the doctor, that you discontinue some of your running around, stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start eating properly and getting to bed early." Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"
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Happy Birthday
Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"
His lover lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."
Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."
So his lover lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."
Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
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Won't Stop
Shortly after her wedding, the newlywed wife is complaining to her mother about her husband's insatiable sexual appetite. "He wants to do it 15 times a day, anytime, anyplace, anywhere -- on the table, on the stairs, on the sofa, in the car, in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. I can barely walk anymore!" The mother advises her daughter to tell him that she has her period, which seems like a good idea. So that evening, when the husband comes home from work, he proceeds to undress himself and his wife, when she stops him. "I'm sorry sweetie, but it's that time of the month." The husband gets up, looks at his wife, and says, "It's all good honey. I understand." He puts on a robe and walks away. The wife is somewhat surprised at the mature reaction of her husband, until a few minutes later he returns holding two glasses and a bottle of champagne. So she asks, "What's going on, dear?" "We're celebrating!" he replies. "Celebrating? What exactly are we celebrating?" she asks. "Anal sex week!"
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