Sex Jokes

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Pumpkin Pumper

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's... just working away at this pumpkin". BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs: "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Sex Jokes (Masturbation Jokes)
Anonymous

Female Sex Change

Q: What do you call a female sex change?
A: An addadictomy.

Categories: Sex Jokes (Private Parts)
Anonymous

Interpretation

I was having sex with a woman when her husband got home early. She told me to use the back door and to be quick.
I probably should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.

Categories: Sex Jokes (Booty Call Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Cheater Jokes)
Anonymous